Amara Jivana (This Life)
By Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakura
amara jivana, sada pape rata,
nahika punyera lesha
parere udvega, diyachi je kata,
diyachi jivere klesha (1)
Throughout my whole life I have been addicted to sin, never performing any pious activities. I have simply been a source of disturbance and suffering for others.
nija sukha lagi’, pape nahi dari,
daya-hina svartha-para
para sukhe duhkhi, sada mithya-bhashi,
para-duhkha sukha kara (2)
For my own pleasure I never fear to commit any sin. I am devoid of pity and full of selfishness; I’m sorry at others’ happiness and am an inveterate liar. Indeed, I take delight in others’ miseries.
ashesha kamana, hridi majhe mora,
krodhi dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada, vishaye mohita,
himsa-garva vibhushana (3)
Endless are the selfish desires in my heart. I am prone to anger and devoted to arrogance. Intoxicated by conceit and deluded by attraction to sense pleasure, I ornament myself with pride and envy.
nidralasya-hata, sukarye virata,
akarye udyogi ami
pratishtha lagiya, shathya-acarana,
lobha-hata sada kami (4)
Afflicted by laziness and sleep, adverse to pious activities, I delight to perform any harmful act to obtain name and fame. I am very adept in duplicity, always lusty and degraded by mundane greed.
e hena durjana, sajjana-varjita,
aparadhi nirantara
shubha-karya-shunya, sadanartha-mana,
nana duhkhe jara jara (5)
Being such a miscreant and rejected by saintly persons, I have become a repeated offender. I never do good deeds but am inclined only to bad habits. Thus, I am oppressed by so many miseries.
vardhakye ekhana, upaya vihina,
ta’te dina akincana
bhakativinoda, prabhura carane,
kare duhkha nivedana (6)
Now in old age I am rendered helpless, reduced to a fallen and destitute condition. Bhaktivinoda presents his sad case at the feet of the Lord.
